Steve and Allen are a happy couple and are more often seen spending time together, in order to raise the spark of their relationship. They both seem to be a very cheerful, fun-loving and lucky couple. But everything that seems to be great doesn’t need to be great compulsorily. Steven feels that everything is great between them and he is quite satisfied with the same. While Allen says that Steve isn’t the same all the time. She says, “He is super cool about showing the sense of humor, doing flirty pranks and going out for dinner; but when it comes to intercourse, he comes lazy or insecure or I don’t know what’s that actually but the single thing that is eating me day by day is his strange behavior whenever I wish for intercourse. I am quite stressed and have no idea what to do the same.”
Yes, men too can avoid having sex in some particular circumstances and Steve also seems to be a victim of the same. If you too are facing a similar issue that blocks to get intimate with your partner with your full confidence; you must know why men tend to avoid sexual relationships and how a solution can be found of the same. Here, I am going to explain seven weird fears that a man may have.
- Fear of impotence: The ‘anxiety about impotence’ ranks first in the order of frequency, in all the sexual fears that men bear. Ironically, the fear of the man itself is the greatest cause of impotence. And in 90 percent cases of impotencies, the cause has been found psychogenic. Just for the 10 percent of cases, the cause is biological.
There is no possible way a man can ‘desire’ to have an erection. One cannot have saliva or tears flow either. These things are known to happen on their own in response to situations. One may involve oneself in foreplay, without watching at the organ, and the erection happens on its own accord. And behind the fear of failure to get an erection is a fundamental anxiety -the fear of being rejected. The partner’s understanding and cooperation play a very important role here, in getting over the psychogenic impotence.
- Fear of insatiable sexual demands: The image of an ‘insatiable woman’ has been taken from the contemporary literature and movies, plus much of the rhetoric accompanying the woman’s liberation movement. But the truth is that, that there is a wide variation of sexual needs among both women and men. And one of the freedoms today’s women have achieved is the knowledge that their bodies are their own, and they need not give in to a man’s sexual demands if they don’t desire so. Similarly, it will be equally relieving for men to know that they are under no such obligation either. As men and women learn to accept each other as equals and realize that each has individual sexual needs, this fear will decrease automatically.
- Fear of losing self-control: Many men who think that they love their wives and care for their marital commitment, also carry the fear of getting attracted to other women. It is natural for a man to get attracted to some women who fit into his criterion of sex appeal. Many men carry the guilt for such secret infatuations and fantasies. And many others fear that they may not be able to control themselves if they happen to be in an inviting situation. They doubt their ability to be in charge of their sexual urges if a tempting opportunity comes their way. This anxiety of losing their relationship with their wife haunts them every time they meet an attractive woman. Later it becomes a constant struggle to balance their libidinous urges and their commitment in the marriage. These men are supposed to realize that they are relating at a very superficial level of understanding and commitment. Infidelity is always the result of insincere and irresponsible attitudes towards the marital bond.
- Fear that the woman may become interested in someone else: The domineering husband, who believes he owns his wife, does not want to lose her for anyone else. He constantly feels that her infidelity is just a matter of right opportunity. It is the wound of his own inadequacy that makes him suffer this fear. The feeling of possessiveness, so much a part of the male mentality, and the jealousy which proceeds inevitably from this feeling have been the cause of endless suffering and aggression. It is necessary to change the perspective of this man. A wife, who understands this and works silently to reassure him, has a better chance for a happy and lasting relationship than one who responds to his jealousy with anger, aggression, and exasperation.
- Fear of not being normal: Many men want to know if they resemble other men in their sexual behavior and if whatever they do sexually is the accepted ‘normal’ way to have sex. What should matter is whether you are hurting yourself or your partner with your sexual behavior. If both partners enjoy equally the act is right.
- Fear of ‘Premature Ejaculation’: The cause of premature ejaculation is almost always psychogenic. This problem is seen in men of all ages, and anxiety over possible repetition often becomes another self-fulfilling prophecy. The brain gets the signal that release is coming up, but for various emotional reasons, the normal inhibiting mechanism fails. Some men try to slow things down by using anesthetic applications, tranquilizers, elastic bands or double condoms, none of which help the anxiety, the overriding issue here. With the help of an understanding and cooperative partner, it is possible to help oneself by analyzing their difficulty, pinpointing the psychic element, and then learning to exercise control.
- Fear of ‘small’ size of the penis: A large number of men carry the complex of a small penile size. The size is invariably thought to be the parameter for one’s manliness and one’s ability to satisfy his partner. First of all, the woman’s satisfaction does not depend on the size of the penis. On the contrary, too big can be a problem, in that it could hurt the partner. The fact is that only the outer 1/3rd of the woman’s vagina (approximately 3 to 5 cms) is sensitive to sexual stimuli. So, it doesn’t matter to a woman how deep one reaches during the intercourse. If an erect penis has a size of five inches, which everyone has, it is enough for him to satisfy his woman. Remember, it’s not the size, but what you do with what you have, that truly counts and hence there is no such need to be pessimistic for the same.