The proof is no longer necessary: the relational domain plays a decisive role in the development of a fulfilled life and in the appearance of happiness. The problem is that it is impossible to compose one’s surroundings solely from people who allow us to strengthen our self-confidence or self-esteem. No, we have to do with our detractors, those people who do not wish us good.
And this is where the definition of toxic relationships takes on its full dimension: the latter are exchanges, the links we create with individuals who have the desire to control us, manipulate us, use us to take advantage of moments of weakness or Of a supposed inferiority.
Among the most common toxic relationships, we can cite, for example, those of the superiors who harass their subordinates morally (or even sexually), those of the lovers / mistresses who take advantage of a psychological injury to get into the life of Their victims in order to play them (economically and / or sentimentally in particular), or those of friends who are at your side only when they have something to gain. These individuals have no scruples and rarely think of anything other than their own interest. This is the kind of people willing to sabotage your existence to ensure that you will not experience success.
The reason for their relentlessness? Often unknown, it will be up to you to highlight it, unfortunately. The insidious part of this phenomenon is the difficulty in identifying a toxic relationship: it usually takes some time before we realize that a person is trying to discredit us, the harmful faults and attitudes are often concealed, perverse.
The article of the day is a reflection, an aid to no longer let these toxic relationships deprive you of the happiness you deserve.
1. Overcoming toxic relationships by remaining calm and serene
Whether your toxic relationships apply to your circle of “friends” or to the professional field, you must, after having identified it, take the magnitude of the phenomenon. If you play the card of the confrontation, the aggravated conflict can not be avoided. People who create toxic relationships rarely recognize their intentions and will fall on a wall.
The most effective advice is simply not to enter this little game, otherwise, your opponent will try by all means to prove that you are faulty in order to discredit you in the eyes of your environment. Be finer, smarter. Your communication ( non-verbal as verbal) will be detached from notions like aggressiveness or reproach. Your goal? Be unassailable, demonstrate that you have nothing to blame yourself and that the attempts to destabilize you do not affect you.
If there is dialogue, promote intellectual exchange, objectively demonstrating that you have become aware of the situation but that the latter does not impact your life in any way. There is nothing worse for a person trying to maintain toxic relationships than indifference towards him.
2. Disengage from a toxic relationship by achieving emotional objectivity
The frontal conflict will only reinforce your opponent on his positions and root the problems deeper. Your psychology is then influenced by the emotional issues related to the situation and can lead you through periods of doubt and stress. This will prompt you to try to prove your good faith and therefore demonstrate that your toxic relationships are based on the dishonesty of others. This state of mind develops great animosity and can make your life a hell (especially if these toxic relationships are not preventable: this is the case if they materialize with colleagues or your superior).
Your best weapon in this situation is to think by adopting the logic of the person who tries to belittle you, to question your legitimacy. You will be able to make an inventory of the domains on which one could attack you, without letting your emotions and your instinct take control of your introspection. This will certainly help you to identify the nature of the opposition that has fostered the establishment of such a context.
3. To dissociate oneself from the notion of “who is wrong who is right” to overcome a toxic relationship
Toxic relationships often arise from the confrontation of very different values. One person favors one’s self- interest, is ready to do everything to prevail over that of another, and the other uses a victim of this behavior which tries to justify that it does not deserve the fate that is reserved for it.
By trying to demonstrate that the toxic relationship is based on erroneous arguments, you place yourself directly in the position of judge and party. This, of course, does not favor resolution of the conflict. However difficult it may be, we must dissociate ourselves from the idea of judgment and opposition. The goal is simple: to create a win/win relationship to ease tension.
I personally experienced a toxic relationship with a colleague. She was my trainer at the time I was working in the public service. She began by literally teaching me to make mistakes (without my knowledge of course), in order to diminish my legitimacy and credibility with our manager. Then she made sure to build me a reputation as a thief.
When I came back from work, everybody was looking at me: it made me rumble that I stayed longer after office hours to go around the open-space tables in order to recover what people could To forget (which was absolutely false, obviously). The situation has been raised and many confrontations have taken place. And then one day someone gave me the reason for her behavior: I had just arrived and I was better paid than she when she had much more seniority.
I understood his bitterness and I began to realize that I had to get out of this toxic relationship. I stopped defending myself. I let her run corridor noises and I simply continued my work as professionally as possible without ever incriminating her. questioned the notion of wrong, after all, she had the right not to appreciate me, even if her way of doing it was extreme.
Review? All of my colleagues quickly realized that this person was trying to establish a toxic relationship in order to be seen. It was even summoned by the management and came close to dismissal.
To conclude on toxic relationships, I would like to emphasize the notion of compromise. If it may seem difficult to compromise with the devil, nothing prevents you from setting yourself up as a mediator.
How? By refusing to enter into the logic of toxic relationships. Stay away from the person who harms you, at least psychologically. The destructive actions of other members of your environment should not jeopardize your respect for them. Nothing serves to prove that you are right or to demonstrate the nature of a toxic relationship. It will be updated on its own, thanks to your decision to stay straight in your boots and understand the mentality of your opponent.
And you, have you ever experienced this kind of situation? Do you live a toxic relationship right now? Your comments will help readers better understand this phenomenon, so do not hesitate to share your experiences!