Mary works in a multi-national company for 8 long hours. She is also a mother of a still breastfeeding baby and responsible for all the household chores. When she comes home from work she cooks, cleans, breastfeeds baby, finishes cleaning, puts the baby to sleep, and she still has to wake up in the middle of the night, 3 times, to breastfeed.
She keeps either standing or working for the whole day and when she goes to bed, she is too tired to do or talk about anything. Jim, her husband, complains that is she going wired and makes unnecessary excuses whenever he asks her for sex or to spend few intimate moments with him. On the other hand, marry complains that she get exhausted working whole day and her husband doesn’t bother to pay proper attention to her or to offer help with household chores, even once in a week.
“Women don’t want ‘choreplay’. They just want you to do some chores”.
This is a common case for thousands of couples who are complaining about their sex lives getting worse just after few years of marriage. To find out a solution, you need to get to the root of the problem. First of all, let’s get what all the types of couples are?
A) Conventional Couples- These are the couples where women do most of the household works like laundry, cooking, and cleaning etc. and men either don’t help in household chores or help out with some manly works, such as yard work or car repair.
Among the conventional couples, where women do most of the household works, they get tired, harassed and exhausted till they go to bed and they are left with very less energy and stamina for sex or to think about it. The excessive load of household chores leaves them bereft with stress and harassment, leading to decrease their interest in sex and intimate moments. Also, such women feel ignored when the husbands don’t give the proper attention and appreciation for their jobs and responsibilities. They want their men to appreciate them for their responsibilities as well as to offer a hand with household chores, at least on weekends if not every day. At times, they also feel inferior and deny having sex, in order to protect their self-esteem.
B) Counter-conventional Couples- These are the couples where the man does most of the household works.
The counter-conventional couples have a just opposite problem than the conventional couples. If men are doing the most of the works including their office and household works, they become little dominant in nature. Such men have a grip on their woman and they control all the decisions to be made for them, their woman as well as their family. They only decide the each and every decision for the family, making the woman feel ignored and less important in the family. Such mentality hurts the women’s pride, leading to worse sexual as well as married life.
C) Egalitarian Couples- Couples who share the routine household works equitably are known as egalitarian couples.
The case of Egalitarian couples is quite different from above two cases. Couples that share the household works, get more time to spend together in order to know each other in a better way. They get an opportunity to see the different aspects of each other’s personality. Such couples share a comparatively stronger bond and understand the flexibility of each other’s nature. The women feel lucky to have a helping husband and appreciate their man for the same. Also, the men feel appreciated leading to increasing their enthusiasm towards co-operating with their woman.
What Studies Say?
As per a study on 487 families in the UK, couples who split their household chores were found more satisfied, sexually and emotionally. Also, the Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg and Wharton professor Adam Grant have pointed out in a New York Times article that if man’s sex life isn’t great; helping her partner in doing household works can do wonders for him. Research shows that when a man does his share of household chores, his partner is happier and less depressed increasing the chances of a more intimate life. Such couples face fewer conflicts and the divorce rate is also lower in such couples. It has also proven that couples who share chores equally have more sex and a comparatively better married life.
What do Women want?
Usually, a woman wants her man to take care for her physical and emotional comfort. She wants him to be updated what the phase she is going through and thus appreciates when her man asks about the same. Be it a party or be it her home, a woman always likes when her man cares about her comfort. She likes it when her man takes her home early if she is feeling sleepy or getting bored in the party. She likes it when he takes her out for a change if she isn’t feeling good. And she definitely likes it when he offers to help with household works if she is looking tired. She takes it as a parameter for her importance in the eyes of her partner and feels very happy when she comes up with a positive result.
When she finds out that she is important for her man and he pays an attention to her comfort, she becomes more enthusiastic and copes with her stress and tiredness in a better way. As she comes to know her man is going an extra mile to assure her comfort, it also causes a feeling of gratitude making her more loyal and friendly for her man. Once, she is satisfied with the behavior as well as the attitude of her man, she also tries to make sure that her man is happy with her conduct. She too makes an extra effort and does everything that can make her man happy. If she finds out that her man is willing to have more sex or spend more intimate time with her; she also tries her best to assure that her man gets what he expects from her. She co-operates with her going out for a pre-planned date, playing romantic games, clicking erotic photos and even having more sex than before. In short, if she is happy with her partner, she spends more intimate time with her man going an extra mile to make sex-life greater than ever.